2009年5月7日 星期四

不知道為什麼有這些靈感

  但今天我想來對時間說嘴一番。

  第一次對時間有感覺的,大概是幼稚園畢業升小一的那段時間。暑假好長好長,長到我以為我一輩子就這樣過去了。我有記得我問了媽媽有關未來,不過對上小學這件事感到極度的不可思議。暑假每天都靜靜的起床,靜靜的看電視與靜靜的玩,大概還有惱人的媽媽課輔班,跟鄰居小孩一起上課。課程內容很遊戲,不過總會讓人有競爭的心態。對,那是一輩子。

  現在發現自己活超過人生的1/5,對於這種念頭留下了眼淚。雖然如此,10年卻好像是多長多長的一段時間。而現在的感覺好像時間只到psycamp結束就停止,我的眼界不能再延展下去。雖然批評太多人不活在here and now,不過我又太過於here and now了一些。還有那永無止盡的回溯過往,我的時間比泰坦星的海妖裡的倫法德還要混亂。

  談到生命,總是苦短。連昨天的陳教授都祈求多個幾年,我想我活到10,000年都不夠。對於生命,我最喜歡美國天使裡面的一段台詞
Prior Walter: But still. Still bless me anyway. I want more life. I can't help myself. I do. I've lived through such terrible times and there are people who live through much worse. But you see them living anyway. When they're more spirit than body, more sores than skin, when they're burned and in agony, when flies lay eggs in the corners of the eyes of their children - they live. Death usually has to take life away. I don't know if that's just the animal. I don't know if it's not braver to die, but I recognize the habit; the addiction to being alive. So we live past hope. If I can find hope anywhere, that's it, that's the best I can do. It's so much not enough. It's so inadequate. But still bless me anyway. I want more life. And if he comes back, take him to court. He walked out on us, he oughta pay.
註明最後一段話的he代表的是「祂」。順便說一下這部影集真的值得一看,還有裡面有個可愛的女人,後來去演單身毒媽。演員外加著名的梅大嬸和艾爾兄,希望經由邊緣途徑誘引你們去看。然後這段話我看了好多次。